


I can't fight your battles, but I sure can hold your hand

by thecompassandtheship



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, ENJOY! :), Fluff, M/M, Overthinking, also, also petunia is the love of my life, anyways sorry for rambling, because that wildflower makeup look was STUNNING and gave me LIFE, i am incapable of writing anything other than schmoopy fluff help, if that triggers you, makeup luke, mentions of depression and anxiety, quarantine fic, there are SO MANY pet names in this i'm sorry i love them too much, there should be a tally for the amount of times i use the word fond, there's no plot to this lmao, this is 6700 words of me rambling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24347545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecompassandtheship/pseuds/thecompassandtheship
Summary: It’s been years that they’ve been together, but Luke doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to being regarded as if he’s the most precious thing in the world to Ashton, like he’s something to be protected and cherished. He still can’t believe he gets to be in love with this beautiful, wonderful man; still can’t believe he’s the one who gets to receive such endless adoration. It makes a happy blush spread across his cheeks again, and he looks away, feeling everything so strongly it almost overwhelms him. He’s tempted to let himself float into the clouds again, until he feels a large hand press into his smaller one, squeezing reassuringly, grounding him.Luke exhales, smiling back at Ashton and meeting his eyes, finally. No words need to be said; after all these years, they understand each other better than anyone else in the world.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	I can't fight your battles, but I sure can hold your hand

**Author's Note:**

> Hi lovely human! 
> 
> I hope that you are safe and healthy!! Thank you for taking the time to read this fic, it means the world to me. 
> 
> I was randomly filled with energy the other day to write something, even though I had no idea what I wanted to write. After a couple days of work, this is what happened - it’s basically a quarantine fic, I suppose? I am wholly incapable of writing anything other than copious amounts of fluff, so there’s really no plot to this, honestly. Just a whole lot of rambling, Lashton loving each other, a bit of anxiety, and me reflecting on the wild times we’re living in. Wholesome Petunia and Luke content was a must, also, since that’s one thing that always keeps me going. Music, especially 5SOS’ music as of late, has been one of the only things getting me through this time and for that I’m incredibly thankful. I hope you’re all being gentle with yourselves, and have found something to keep you going, too. 
> 
> This was pretty cathartic for me to write, and I’m pretty happy with the end result, even if it's probably shitty? I sincerely hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Title is from “So Will I” by Ben Platt. It’s a beautiful song, check it out if you want to!

The tops of the trees are kissed with a golden hue as the sun lays down to rest for the night. It illuminates the distant hills and buildings from Luke’s vantage point on the balcony, silhouetting the skyline of LA in front of him and softening it pleasantly. He’s always liked the way sunsets make everything look warm, magical almost - as bursts of colour bloom over the sky, a feeling of calm settles over him. 

He imagines the swirls of pinks and oranges wrapping around his mind, soothing the ache that’s been growing behind his temples. He’s been curled on the couch outside for hours now, guitar in his lap, as he softly strums away. It’d been a rather frustrating day, writing-wise - the music in his head feels like it’s just out of reach of his fingertips, but no matter how long he’s tried it’s not coming to fruition. 

It’s just one of those days. 

It’s been tough, as of late, to contain his overthinking. Although, given the state of the world at the moment, he knows it shouldn’t be all that surprising. 

He’s used to being in constant motion - travelling so often he barely knows what city he’s in sometimes before he’s throwing himself head first into another show, baring his heart and soul for the world to see. There aren’t many places 5SOS haven’t travelled to at this point, and though touring definitely has its lows (ones that Luke knows all too well), ultimately he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He’ll never get tired of the rush of adrenaline, the thrill of sharing the stage with his three best friends and getting to interact with these incredible people from all over the world, who come to see their shows and sing their music back to them. It’s overwhelming, being in the same room as so many individuals who love and support the band; who connect to the pieces of himself he’s turned into songs, stemming from the deepest corners of his mind, his most significant experiences; his most intense emotions, ones sometimes he doesn’t even grasp until they’re laid out in the lyrics he writes, for all to see and connect their own meaning to. 

It’s a little terrifying, but it always causes his heart to swell with love and gratitude; at the fact he’s been able to help people; at the fact people are there to help him. He doesn’t know how he ended up so lucky - but he’s thankful. 

Slowing down is not something he’s used to, not something any of them are used to - it’s been a hard adjustment; both lovely and harrowing at the same time. 

On the one hand, it’s been so nice to be home. He’s so filled with joy he’s practically overflowing at the amount of quality time he’s been able to spend with Ashton and Petunia; peaceful mornings laying in bed with no alarm to interrupt their slumber, breakfasts eaten together with their ankles hooked under the table, new songs being written constantly, ideas flowing between them in the smooth, honest way they always have, quiet time to do what he pleases with, time spent amusing Petunia with her favourite dog toys, and a seemingly endless abundance of cuddles and affection. 

But he isn’t used to having so much time to himself, and in the absence of activity his anxious brain never fails to work itself into overdrive. 

Obviously, they’ve never had to release an album during a pandemic before. It’s complicated, it’s messy, and all of them were incredibly stressed about it for a long while. Usually, at this stage of an album release they’d be participating in seemingly endless social interaction, promo, and interviews; it makes isolating at home seem particularly jarring; highlights the abnormality of the time. The added pressure of what to do about the tour is another can of worms; how are they supposed to plan ahead when everything’s been thrust into uncertainty? Keeping everyone safe and healthy is their number one priority, but the last thing the four men want to do is disappoint their fans.

What matters most to them is their music, the wellbeing of their fan base, themselves, and their staff members. Despite all of the challenges being presented, they decided that delaying the album release was not an option, in the hopes that CALM could be a positive light in a tumultuous time. Music is healing, and if the album is able to help, guide, or soothe people through the daunting and difficult time ahead, there was no question in the band members’ minds that they’d harness their creativity and resiliency in order to make the album release happen. It seems to be working so far; the fans have showered them with an effluence of love and support, gushing about the new album, their favourite songs, what it means to them. 

It’s been wonderful to have the opportunity to reconnect with the fans more directly, too. Luke and Calum have done some live streams separately and together. Plus, the band organized an album release party with all four of them that was as chaotic as it was wonderful. They never would have had time to do these types of things normally - it makes it feel special, in a way. It makes him ponder how they’ve literally grown up with their long time fans; as he and his band mates have matured, aged and become wiser, their fans have grown with them into empowered, creative, and inspiring young adults. 

The fans seem to enjoy their live streams, no matter how chaotic they become, and the appearances they’ve been making for various online interviews. The Wildflower music video, the performance on The Late Late Show, and the performances at FireFight Australia they posted were hits, and they’ve been receiving so much love for them. People seem to be recognizing their attempts to give as much as they can for the time being, and for that Luke is relieved. 

Despite all of their efforts, though, he can’t help but feel like they could be doing more. 

It’s his insecurities seeping back in; the constant fear of inadequacy and self-loathing that has plagued him his whole life. It reminds him of his past emotional burdens; the exhausting heaviness, the weight of his sadness, the crushing pressure of anxiety he’d carried with him everywhere he went a couple years ago. The feelings that were so strong and overpowering that he’d almost let them consume him. The ghost of the memory of a time where Luke had been so broken - when Michael, Calum, and especially Ashton had to hold the pieces of him together as he fell apart. 

Luke quickly pushes those thoughts away. He’s better now; he’s worked hard to get to a place where he feels, at least mostly, healed. Where he can be happy, calm, accept the fact that he is loved and worthy of being loved. He’s not going to listen to his anxious brain and throw all of that out the window. He’s not perfect, of course, but he’s better, so much better than before. 

Still, it’s significantly harder to stop the dizzying flow of thoughts when there’s not much to distract him from them. He barely knows what to do with himself and all of the precious time he’s been given.

He knows his worth isn’t measured by his productivity - that’s a capitalist narrative he refuses to accept - and that the predicament the world is in is a pandemic, not a contest to see how many new skills and projects can be accomplished; but much of what he sees on social media seems to preach otherwise. He knows he should be gentle with himself, just focus on surviving; that this time is far from stress free - he, and most of the people he knows, have never lived through an equally challenging time on a global scale. That being said, he can’t help but feel guilty sitting around doing nothing all day while so many people in the world are plagued with suffering and hopelessness. 

This time has certainly grounded him, reminded him of the importance of mindfulness and humility. Staying down to earth has always been important to him, of course, but if there’s one thing he’s learned from a global pandemic, it’s to be thankful and stay kind. 

Ashton, he finds, is a consistent antidote to the persistence of his anxiety. He is remarkably positive, always able to see the bright side of things and find light in the darkness. He is endlessly patient, reassuring, caring; every action filled with so much kindness and love. Ashton has the wisdom of someone beyond his years, and when sincerity loses the battle against Luke’s anxieties, his keen sense of humour never fails to do the trick. He can render Luke to a pile of squeaking giggles in no time, usually, and it makes him feel so loved and cherished that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

Luke knows that having been in a caretaker role his whole life, as an older brother and then as the oldest member of the band, nothing makes Ashton feel more fulfilled than being able to take care of the people he loves. He feels responsibility to make sure everyone’s needs have been met, that everyone around him is safe and happy. Being the baby of his family, on the other hand, Luke is used to being coddled and cared for. Their naturally compatible dynamic belies the fact, in Luke’s mind, that they were made for each other. That being said, no one is infallible, so Luke never hesitates to listen, comfort, and reassure Ashton when something is troubling him; on the days he feels heavy with sadness or exhaustion, too. They take care of each other, and the love he sees brimming in Ashton’s eyes is the same all-encompassing love he feels for Ashton reflected back at him. It’s truly a beautiful feeling. 

So, while things remain uncertain, in his career and in the world, Luke thinks that unquestionably, he has it good. 

“Away in the clouds again, Lukey?” A warm voice settles into his consciousness. He startles in surprise, so zoned out that he hadn’t heard the door slide open. 

He turns to see Ashton smiling at him with a radiance that could rival the colours lighting up the sky, dimpling his full cheeks. The fading sun rays are burning bright still, almost as if they have to release as much light as possible in the wake of their absence. It illuminates the stunning hazel of Ashton’s eyes and the sunkissed tone of his skin so beautifully that it empties Luke’s breath from his lungs. His endless stream of thoughts instantly fall silent, for once, captivated by Ashton’s beauty.

“Hi,” he breathes, the only thing his brain can come up with as he admires the vision in front of him. 

Ashton giggles fondly at Luke’s awkwardness, watching as a rosy hue spreads over his cheeks as he snaps out of his daze. It makes him look soft and precious, makes Ashton want to gather him up in his arms and make sure nothing can ever hurt him. 

Usually, Ashton would poke fun at Luke’s unabashed appreciation of his appearance, but he feels it would be rather hypocritical of him, considering only moments ago he’d stood in the doorway, admiring the angel in front of him as Luke delicately plucked the strings of his guitar. He can’t help it - there is nothing more beautiful than Luke Hemmings during golden hour. His blonde hair is radiant in the sunlight, eyes so blue they put the summer skies to shame. “How’s my golden boy?” 

Luke blushes more fiercely at that, but there’s no mistaking the smile on his face for anything other than pleasure. “Better now that you’re here.”

Ashton’s grin softens, fond crinkles settling into the skin beside his eyes. He wordlessly comes to sit beside Luke on the spacious couch, slinging one arm over his shoulders. He groans quietly as his muscles protest the movement. It’s unsurprising that he’s sore, really. He’s utilized drumming to soothe his soul and mind during this stressful time; and while it does take quite a bit of physical energy, it’s worth it for the emotional release.

Luke quickly determines that there’s no hope of re-focusing on songwriting for today. He hadn’t been all that focused in the first place, anyways. He sets his guitar aside and curls himself into the comfortably warm skin of Ashton’s chest. He hadn’t realized the chill beginning to settle over his skin as the evening transitions into nightfall, too lost in thought to notice. 

“Christ, you’re cold Lukey! Been out here for too long, sweetheart,” Ashton murmurs, his large hand running up and down the length of Luke’s arm soothingly. 

“Didn’t notice how much time was passing,” Luke mumbles noncommittally, voice muffled from where his face is tucked into the nook between Ashton’s neck and shoulder. He doesn’t care that he’s chilly; wrapped in Ashton’s strong arms with his face tucked into his cozy chest is his favourite place to be. 

They sit like that for a couple minutes, breathing each other in, until Luke notices the tension in Ashton's shoulders. Ashton's been drumming non-stop recently; he heard him earlier today through the soundproofed room. It’s not one hundred percent effective in eliminating the noise; it just makes their neighbours hate them a little less. “Sore, Ashy?”

Ashton nods, tilting his head to either side with a sound of discomfort. “Just tense, ‘s all. Don’t worry about it, Lu.” 

Luke frowns at that, pulling away from his embrace. “No, let me help. Turn around.” 

“You’re still cold, baby, we should go inside,” Ashton murmurs protectively, but Luke only pouts at him sweetly. “Hey, not fair. You know I can’t say no to you when you look that cute.” Before he turns, he pulls off his sweater, telling Luke to raise his arms before slipping it over his head. It’s one of Ashton’s old ones, soft and tattered in the coziest way, material stretched enough from the wash that it falls to Luke’s palms. 

Luke's head pops out of the neck hole with a pleased smile on his face. This is one of his comfort hoodies, and it’s pleasantly warm to the touch from being recently worn. He presses his nose into his shoulder instinctually, revelling in the comforting scent of pine, peppermint, fresh air, and Ashton. 

He looks so sweet and precious that Ashton can’t resist leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. Luke hums into it, tilting his head to the side as his eyelids flutter closed. He feels Ashton’s warm hands cradling his face, and he relaxes into his hold, letting him guide the kiss as he pleases. 

The world fades around them as they get lost in the feeling of each other for a moment. Their kisses are tender and unhurried, each one a gentle 'I love you'. 

Eventually, Luke pulls away and grabs Ashton’s shoulders; gently pushing him to turn around on the couch so his back is facing him. He rubs his palms comfortingly over the skin for a couple minutes, warming up the muscles, before pressing his thumbs into the broad shoulders, kneading at the knots that have built up. He runs his thumbs soothingly over Ashton's neck, and squeezes down his strong biceps, releasing some of the pressure there, too. Ashton hums in pleasure, tilting his head forward in bliss. 

Ashton is so often sore in his shoulders, his neck and his hands that Luke had looked up some massage tips a while ago. Ashton always takes care of him so well, and he’d wanted to be able to return the favour somehow. He really enjoys it, actually. It’s intimate without being sexual, romantic and close in the best way. After all this time, it’s allowed him to build an in-depth knowledge of Ashton’s body; he knows where the tension builds up, what feels nice, and how to make the stress melt out of him. 

Ashton sighs happily as Luke works his magic. “I always knew you were an angel.”

Luke giggles behind him, “Shut up, you sap.” 

Luke continues until Ashton is relaxed and happy, leaning in to nuzzle into the back of his neck and press a kiss there once he’s finished. 

“Thank you sweetheart. That felt so nice,” Ashton murmurs, turning back around to pull Luke into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Together, they watch the final colours of the sunset fade into night fall, little city lights appearing in the navy sky and dancing in their view of the city. 

It’s beautiful. 

Eventually, they do make their way inside. 

Petunia watches as Luke sets his guitar on its stand, and seems to realize that it means he’s no longer preoccupied. She scampers her way over to him immediately, her body wiggling in excitement, tongue lolling out of her mouth as she gazes up at him. Luke grins, dropping down to pet her immediately. “Hi piggy, hi princess, did you have a good day, hm? Did you miss me while I was outside? I missed you! Did you play with your fox?” 

He strokes her large face and scratches behind her ears, continuing to babble random baby talk to her in that slightly high pitched voice he always uses. He knows she doesn’t understand him, but she preens so happily under his attention that he’s powerless to stop. She is as clingy and needy as he is; when he’s home, they’re pretty much always in the same room together. It melts Luke’s heart. 

He’s well aware that he has two soft spots, Petunia and Ashton Irwin, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t shower them with as much love and affection as they’ll accept from him at any given moment. 

He giggles as he feels Petunia’s wet nose against his cheeks, sniffing at his face. He wraps his arms around her large body and looks up, only to be met with the lens of a phone camera. 

“Heeeyyyy,” he pouts, knowing his hair is a mess from running his fingers through it all day. He can feel the long strands sticking up every which way. 

Ashton smiles at him softly and smooths down his lion’s mane of curls, as if he knows what Luke is thinking. “Couldn’t help myself. You two look too adorable together.” Luke gives him a soft, shy smile in response. “Also, I forgot this was what I was coming outside to tell you, but dinner’s ready.”

Luke lets out a loud laugh in surprise. “It’s okay, it’s probably my fault we got distracted.” 

“Oh it’s definitely your fault,” Ashton sasses as he makes his way into the kitchen, serving up two plates.

Luke continues to give Petunia tummy rubs until he hears, “Hey, Hemmings! I know she’s cute, but don’t make me heat this up a second time!” 

He snorts at the commanding tone. It is true that it's already late to be having dinner, though. He plants one more kiss on Petunia’s head before standing back up. “Coming, Irwie.” 

He traipses into the kitchen and sees Ashton already sat at the table, plate full of yummy looking pasta and a colourful salad. “What! No fish fingers?” 

Ashton rolls his eyes with a smile playing on his lips. “Sit down and eat, you little shit.” He tries for scolding but any harshness is washed away by the fondness colouring his tone. 

Luke presses a kiss to the top of his head, lips brushing against his silky black curls. “Thanks for making dinner, Ash.” 

“No problem.” 

They’ve both been trying to learn how to cook more than eggs on toast and cereal during their time off. Leaving home at 15 and 17 to be on tour for months at a time doesn’t exactly lend itself to developing cooking skills by any means, and Luke’s never made much of an effort to learn before. Ashton has always been a better cook than Luke, since he had to babysit Lauren and Harry when he was living at home, but he’s still nothing close to an expert. They both know that if they want to be in shape for their upcoming tour, whenever it’s able to happen, they have to consume more than fish fingers and avocado toast. Plus, Ashton’s been on a bit of a health kick recently, and Luke is powerless to say no to him when he’s excited about something. 

Luke’s toes are still cold from being barefoot outside, so he reaches his long legs under the table and presses them into Ashton’s shins, smirking mischievously as he takes a bite of his salad. 

Ashton jumps and narrows his eyes playfully at Luke’s giggles. “Petunia, Lu is harassing me! Help!” She barely glances over at them before continuing to devour her dinner. Ashton shakes his head. “Goddamn it. You’ve always been her favourite.” 

Luke swallows and sticks his tongue out at him. “Are you coming for a walk with us after dinner?” 

“Of course.” 

“Hear that, sweetheart? Daddy Ash is coming with us today!” Petunia, having finished her dinner, wiggles in happiness at them and comes to sit under the table, resting her head against their intertwined legs. “See, she loves you.” 

Ashton smiles fondly and leans down to pet her. “Good thing it’s mutual.” 

Luke feels butterflies bloom in his belly, watching them together. Ashton likes to bully Petunia in interviews, especially for being such a big ass dog, but Luke knows she’s wormed her way into his heart. Luke usually satisfies her penchant for cuddles since he loves them just as much, but their cupboards are always overflowing with the treats and toys that Ashton buys her, and on the days where Luke sleeps in, Ashton jumps at the chance to take Petunia for morning walks by himself. He leans his chin into his palm, eyes crinkling and biting his lip to hold back the ridiculously large smile he feels dimpling his cheeks. 

Ashton glances back up at him, his features gentle when he sees Luke’s expression. “What?”

“Nothing, I just - I love you,” Luke murmurs shyly, his tone as soft as the expression on his face. 

Ashton grins happily back at him. “Love you too, Lukey.” 

It’s been years that they’ve been together, but Luke doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to being regarded as if he’s the most precious thing in the world to Ashton, like he’s something to be protected and cherished. He still can’t believe he gets to be in love with this beautiful, wonderful man; still can’t believe he’s the one who gets to receive such endless adoration. It makes a happy blush spread across his cheeks again, and he looks away, feeling everything so strongly it almost overwhelms him. He’s tempted to let himself float into the clouds again, until he feels a large hand press into his smaller one, squeezing reassuringly, grounding him. 

Luke exhales, smiling back at Ashton and meeting his eyes, finally. No words need to be said; after all these years, they understand each other better than anyone else in the world. Ashton raises Luke’s hand to his lips to press a gentle kiss there before standing to clear their plates. “Why don’t you go get ready for our walk?” 

“No, Ash, you made dinner, it’s only fair I do the washing up.”

“Why don’t we do it together, then,” Ashton agrees easily, smacking Luke’s bum as he walks by him to fill the sink with soapy water. Luke dimples at him, giggling and wiggling his hips teasingly. Ashton chuckles and squeezes his hip before grabbing a towel to dry the dishes. 

Luke scrubs away at the sink efficiently, handing things to Ashton to dry and put away once he’s done. Working together is a practiced dance, so they finish relatively quickly. He heads over to the bathroom to empty his stupidly tiny bladder before their walk, knowing he’ll regret it otherwise. 

He runs his hands through his hair, regarding himself in the mirror as he coaxes his long golden curls to at least fall in the same direction. When he’s done, he reaches for one of his favourite lipsticks, a pretty pinkish-nude colour, before remembering that he’s going to have to wear a mask anyways. He pouts, placing it back on the counter. He misses wearing pretty things, but there’s really no point when he’s just lounging around at home. 

“You can wear it later when we chat with Michael and Calum if you want, baby,” He hears from the open doorway. 

The four men have been trying to keep in contact as much as possible, not used to spending so much time separated from one another. Especially when they’re doing something as special as releasing the fourth album they’ve poured their souls into, and might be the one they’re most proud of to date. All four of them, of course, have lives and friends outside of the band; it’s only healthy to experience things in addition to each other and spend time independently. However, time apart is exceedingly different when it’s a forced separation. It’s much sadder, and Luke misses Michael and Calum with his whole heart. Seeing them through the screen at least eases some of the weight, though. It eases Ashton’s mind too, being able to check up on his best friends and make sure everything’s okay. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” He murmurs after a few moments.

Ashton regards the melancholic look in Luke’s eyes, the way his eyebrows are drawn together, and pulls him into a soothing embrace. Luke goes easily, always pliant in Ashton's hands. He drops his head onto Ashton’s strong shoulder and settles his arms around his waist. “We’ll see them as soon as we can, Lukey.” 

“I know,” he replies, some of the heaviness lifting as Ashton’s large palm rubs comforting circles into his back. “Just miss them, ‘s all.” 

“You’re definitely not alone in that sentiment,” Ashton replies softly. “But, we’re seeing them tonight. I’m sure you’ll feel better then, hm?”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees easily, snuggling his face into Ashton’s skin that is radiating pleasant heat, as usual. One thing Luke loves about Ashton is how warm he always is, like sunshine, casting light and happiness over everything he touches.

Ashton holds him for a couple moments, before pulling away to kiss Luke's adorable pixie nose. “Now, I think there’s someone not so patiently waiting for us, isn’t there?”

Luke hears Petunia’s whine from where she’s undoubtedly waiting by the door, and chuckles. “Let’s go.” 

The night is peaceful around them. A couple of stars even pierce through the layer of smoke surrounding the city, which has lessened as a result of the quarantine. One silver lining to this whole situation, he supposes, is the beneficial impact it’s had on the environment. 

They usually try to make Petunia’s second walk of the day happen after nightfall, especially if they’re going together. There’s less people crowding the streets at night, so it’s easier to socially distance, and they’re less likely to be recognized. The darkness cloaking them and hiding them from sight feels a bit like a safety net to Luke, letting him relax a little more and enjoy the moment. 

Compared to how bustling with activity the city usually is, it’s eerily quiet in quarantine. The occasional car passing by sounds twice as loud as it should. All Luke can hear is his and Ashton’s rhythmic footfalls and Petunia curiously sniffing everything she passes, tugging at the lead in his hand. 

As much as the quiet is unnerving, though, it’s nice to breathe in fresh air, feel the cool breeze on the part of his face that isn’t covered by the mask. His left hand is warm where it’s cradled in Ashton’s larger one, their fingers intertwined together a familiar comfort. Ashton always insists on holding Luke’s hand when they walk, knowing he gets chilly easily. As much as Ashton runs warm, Luke runs cold. Ashton thinks it’s an adorable trait, and never hesitates to lend him a sweater or gather him into a hug. (Especially when he’s extra sweaty after a show, just to hear Luke whine that after shows is the one time he definitely isn’t cold as Ashton laughs gleefully).

Their conversation has come to a lull, a comfortable silence settled over them. It’s nice; especially being as awkward as he is, comfortable silence isn’t a common experience for Luke. He treasures the peaceful feeling in his chest, the feeling of calm. 

It falters, though, when he notices Petunia chewing on a random object (again). “Oh no - Piggy, what are you eating? Put that down.”

He picks it up and bursts out laughing, loud and squeaky in the quiet. Petunia looks like she definitely regrets biting into the object, her snout wrinkling in disgust. Luke shows Ashton, and he joins in his laughter. It’s a decent sized lemon, and looking around, he sees that they’ve stopped under a large lemon tree. 

They share a moment of nostalgia before carrying on.

After washing his hands upon their return home, Luke feeds Petunia a treat (or three) and wipes her paws before letting her run off. She plops down in one of her doggy beds, munching lazily, tuckered out from the walk. 

“Why don’t I get things set up while you put on your pretty lipstick, Lu?” Ashton calls from his seat on the couch, already messing around on his laptop. He has his glasses on; framing his hazel eyes and making him look studious and adorable. His curls fall over his face in that unintentional, gorgeous manner that never fails to make Luke’s heartbeat quicken in his chest. 

He fights the urge to plop into Ashton’s lap and kiss him, instead biting his lip and nodding in agreement, heading over to the bathroom to do as asked. He applies his usual lip balm and lets it soak in for a couple minutes before carefully applying the lipstick, allowing each lip to dry before touching them together so nothing smudges. His complexion is a bit peaky from all the time indoors, so he adds a natural-looking cream blush, too. He smiles at himself in the mirror, admiring the delicate pink. 

He likes the added colour of the lipstick, enjoys how it looks complementing his pale skin. It makes him feel beautiful, vibrant, soft, powerful. He’d started exploring makeup a couple years ago, mostly for artistry’s sake, but he’s taken to wearing it whenever he feels like it now. He loves the way it looks on stage or in a music video, enhancing his features, but most of all he loves the way it makes him feel. 

None of them in the band have ever been afraid of breaking pointless gender roles - whether it’s glitter, makeup, nail polish, or more feminine items of clothing, such as lace shirts and sparkly boots. It’s freeing; feels like an extension of their expression. And if it makes them feel positive, who cares if they're men? Gender is a social construct, anyways. It’s one of the things Luke loves about the band - the freedom to be himself in a progressive and supportive environment. Luckily, most people have always supported them in that, and the majority of their fans love what they’ve coined “GlitterSOS”, a term Luke is fond of. He knows he would keep being himself anyways; it’s just easier with the added reassurance of support. 

Speaking of, he misses wearing nail polish. He’s become okay at doing his nails himself, but his hands are often shaky from coffee and anxiety and it always looks better when he gets them done professionally. He wonders if he can convince Calum to come for a manicure with him after this is all over. 

“Almost done, baby? Mikey and Cal should be on any minute,” he hears from the other room, interrupting his train of thought. 

He ambles back into the living room, not hesitating to plop himself down beside Ashton and cuddle into his side. Ashton turns to admire him, his full attention on Luke the minute he sits down. “You look stunning, sweetheart,” he murmurs softly, pressing a kiss to Luke’s cheek. He feels the skin heat up under his lips, and he smiles fondly. Luke is always delighted to receive praise. 

“Thanks, Ashy.”

No sooner than the words leave his lips does another window pop up in the zoom call, and two of their favourite faces are filling the screen. 

“HELLOOOOOO!” Michael greets them enthusiastically, a shit eating grin on his face. Calum winces at the volume, covering his ear, but he looks too fond to be upset. 

Ashton and Luke greet him just as happily, inquiring the reason for his stellar mood. 

“Well, I’ll have you know that I just kicked Calum’s ass in FIFA,” Michael gloats proudly. 

Calum rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t that substantial of a win, but go off.” 

Luke giggles, his heart filled with fondness for two of his favourite people, and demands to know the details of the match. Michael and Calum re-enact it animatedly, bickering like an old married couple, while he nods along. 

Ashton smiles at their antics. There’s nothing better than knowing the people he loves are safe and happy. There’d been a scary period towards the beginning of the quarantine where both him and Calum were feeling sick, which had worried them all endlessly. He’s unspeakably grateful and relieved that neither of their ailments became too serious, and both of them are healthy once more. 

They chat about everything they’ve missed since the last time they’d spoken, which was about a week ago. Michael finally convinced Calum to play Magic: The Gathering with him, which he excitedly tells them about. Calum had apparently pulled the infamous Nicol Bolas card, making them all chuckle. Michael seems to be spending the majority of his time playing video games, and Calum’s been spending time in the garden and song writing. Both of them are clearly pleased with the abundance of hours they’ve had to spend with their dogs, and with each other. 

Luke fills them in on his songwriting, which has actually been going well apart from today. He also tells them about Petunia and the lemon tree, allowing them to muse on fond memories for a moment. Ashton tells them about his new vegetable garden’s progress, and about him and Luke learning to cook together. All four of them are relaxed and content, enjoying the myriad of cuddles and private time. 

They talk for hours, time slipping away without any of them noticing as they catch up. All jokes aside, they miss each other deeply, and can’t wait until they can be reunited. But for now, this is all they have, so it’s good enough. 

Eventually, at an unspeakable hour in the morning, Calum yawns for a third time in about a minute. He looks soft and lethargic in the most adorable way, like he could fall asleep at any moment. Luke feels the same; his eyelids have been drooping and threatening to fall shut for around twenty minutes now, but he’s been stubbornly forcing them open every time. He’s yearned to see Michael and Calum so much that he refuses to miss a single moment of their visit, even if it means falling asleep on camera (and most likely enduring relentless teasing afterwards). Besides, he really doesn’t want to be the one to end their visit. 

Michael, ever the night owl, is still bright eyed, happily chatting away with Ashton, but he trails off at Calum’s tired sound. His eyes soften; regarding Calum with such gentleness and love in his eyes that Luke almost feels the need to look away so he doesn’t intrude. He watches through heavy eyelids as Michael grabs a blanket off the back of the couch and wraps it around Calum, pulling him into his side and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Calum falls into his side, a contented, lazy smile on his face. “I think we’d better head out before Callie falls asleep on me.” Calum grunts in agreement, making Michael chuckle. “It was so nice to see you, though. Take care, okay?” 

“You too, Mikey. Don’t hesitate to call if you ever need anything!” Ashton reminds him. 

Michael rolls his eyes fondly. “I know, dad. Love you, Ash. Love you, Lukey.” 

“Bastard,” Ashton grumbles, but there’s no heat behind the words. “Love you.” 

“Love you guys,” Luke and Calum murmur sleepily, and Ashton ends the call. 

Luke immediately lets his fifty-pound eyelids fall shut, collapsing into Ashton. His limbs are heavy with exhaustion, but he feels fulfilled after such a nice visit. Ashton chuckles, his arm winding around Luke protectively to make sure he doesn’t fall off the couch or something equally clumsy in his tired state. “Time for bed, sweetheart.” Luke, aside from nodding in agreement, doesn’t move an inch. Ashton shakes his shoulder gently. “Lu, honey, don’t fall asleep on me here, we still have to make it to bed.” 

Luke whines, curling further into him petulantly. “Carry me.” 

Ashton isn’t surprised by this request, but he rolls his eyes nonetheless. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“Pleeeeease?”

Ashton sighs. He’s too enamoured with this man. “Okay, princess.” He shifts Luke into his lap and stands, one hand pressed between his shoulder blades while the other arm is under his bum, supporting his weight. Luke wraps his arms around Ashton's neck and presses sleepy kisses against his skin, clearly pleased with this turn of events. 

Ashton brings them to the bathroom and gently lowers him onto the sink, apologizing at Luke’s hiss of displeasure as the cold tiles come into contact with the sensitive skin of his thighs. But it wakes Luke up enough to brush his teeth and remove his makeup, which he knows Ashton was intending. They languidly make their way through quick skincare routines before heading to their room. 

He hears the tapping of Petunia’s nails on the hardwood as she follows them to bed, and leans down to pet her as she walks by. She only stays for a couple moments before retreating to her doggy bed in their room, clearly as tired as Luke is. 

They both remove the layers of clothes until they’re left in just their boxers. Ashton pulls back the covers and climbs underneath immediately, but Luke grabs Ashton's shirt and slips it over his head first. His kleptomania for clothes is well known amongst the band, so Ashton just smiles fondly at him and opens his arms. 

Luke climbs in beside him and snuggles right up to his broad chest, nosing against his neck in contentment. He always feels so safe, protected, at home in Ashton’s embrace. Ashton simultaneously warms him up from the outside, as well as from the inside, with the happy pool of heat that gathers in his abdomen whenever they’re together. It’s intoxicating. “I love you, Ash,” he murmurs, brimming with the happiness that Ashton’s caring nature always brings him.

Ashton dimples down at him before resting his cheek on the top of Luke’s head, breathing in the comforting smell of vanilla and lavender that Luke always emanates. “Love you too, Lu.” He runs his fingers gently through the golden curls, his hand smoothing down the small lion’s mane before landing between Luke’s shoulder blades. He rubs his back softly, soothingly, his mind suddenly captivated by a wave of protectiveness. Luke is so tall, easily a couple inches taller than him, but when he’s feeling cuddly he has this ability to make himself seem so small, fragile almost. Ashton wants to gather him up in his strong arms and protect his soft soul from the world.

Before Luke can drift off into dreamland, he feels a large hand cupping his cheek, tilting his head up. Ashton draws him into a languid kiss; soft, gentle, and lazy like the mood in the room. He tastes fresh, like mint and toothpaste, and Luke hums into it happily, pressing his hand over Ashton’s heart. They kiss until they become too sleepy to continue, drawing apart and regarding each other with droopy eyelids and sleepy smiles.

Luke tucks himself back under Ashton’s chin, feeling Ashton nose into his hair. Things might be crazy in the world right now, he thinks. But as long as he has Ashton, he’ll be alright. 

He knows Ashton will always be there, and so will he.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! A big virtual hug to you <3 
> 
> Comments, feedback, and kudos are always greatly appreciated!


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